Relationship tips
Relationship tips to bring excitement to keep winning back your love. Put a plus into your love relationships
21. Beware undies!
Any underwear department can tell you that in December they sell all their red and black saucy numbers to men who dream of their wives and girlfriends in stockings and suspenders, lace and tight elastic.
In January all the wives and girlfriends who feel silly looking like a Christmas cracker swap it all for slinky smooth but comfortable undies in cream silk or cool cotton.
Some women adore outrageous underwear.
Others feel cheapened by it. If your man keeps trying to pressure you to wear his fantasy though it’s your nightmare, ask him how he would feel in lace-trimmed Y-fronts with see-through panels for the naughty bits?
22. Start the day with a kiss.
23. Tune back in to sex.
When you’re young, you and your friends usually talk a lot about love and relationships. It keeps the subject to the forefront of your mind, your interest bubbling. As time goes by, houses and babies, jobs and cars, children and schools can take over.
You can’t suddenly try to get your friends all talking about sex again but you can tune yourself in to what’s new and interesting.
Any good bookshop has a section on relationships, including sexuality. Many men find sexy magazines and videos exciting.
A lot of women seem to find they turn them off more than on but they’re not all hard-core and you will never know until you try.
24. Deal with desire.
The most common sexual problem among women in settled relationships is loss of desire – they just don’t feel like making love very often.
It’s not a clear-cut problem like lack of orgasm but it leads to a lot of heartbreak – men who feel cheated and women who feel failures – and a lot of affairs and broken marriages.
Don’t get trapped in a cycle of blame and guilt. It’s not the woman’s fault but probably linked with the way she was brought up and the couple’s whole relationship.
It can usually be sorted out – but only if both the man and the woman have the commitment and willingness to change.
Seeing a Relate sex therapist together could transform your love life for the better.
25. Don’t let the sun set on a niggle.
Yesterday’s silly little niggle – that set your teeth on edge but didn’t seem worth causing a row about – all too often turns into today’s smouldering resentment that makes you turn your back in bed, shrug off a hug.
If you realise you’re harbouring a grouse, say something about it. It’s the first step towards clearing the air and opening the channels of communication to love again.
The mistake many of us make is to talk like a disapproving parent to our partner, feel we must tell them off or blame them for what got up our nose.
It’s enough to tell them our feelings – hurt, anger, or whatever – so they know how we’re affected. We don’t have to go on to give them a lecture.
They are more likely to react generously rather than defensively, if treated like responsible adults.
26. Experiment.
It can feel very threatening suddenly to be asked to try something different in the middle of making love, so prepare the ground.
Each make a note of three or four things you’d like to try – techniques, positions, caresses, dressing up, whatever- and discuss them.
You’ll probably find you’re both willing to experiment with most of them at least once and you might even transform your love-making!
27. Share your fantasies.
Many of us have images and scenarios that flash through our minds as we make love – we’re on a desert island, sex slave of an Eastern monarch, it’s our first time all over again, or whatever.
It can deepen your intimacy and be very exciting to share these fantasies – but only try this if you are sure you can trust your partner not to use it against you at some time.
28. Is Big Brother watching you?
If some of these suggestions strike you as too bold or embarrassing, ask yourself why.
Often it’s as if we carry own Big Brother around inside of us, watching our every move, scolding us if we do something too daring, too pleasurable, too sensual, too exciting.
If we think hard, we often realise it’s actually the voice of our parents heard repeatedly as we grew up, worrying that we might “go too far” or “get in trouble”.
Remind yourself you’re grown up now and free to have as much fun as you and your partner desire. You have nothing to lose but your inhibitions.
29. Who makes the first move?
Are you stuck in a rut that one of you always initiates sex?
If you’re comfortable that way and are sure that your love life is in no way dull, then that’s not necessarily a problem but it can often liven up a dull patch suddenly to surprise your partner with an invitation.
But, especially if it has usually been the man who makes the first move, be careful not to make your partner feel threatened.
Men can feel worried they will not be able to manage intercourse if they don’t feel sexy when the suggestion is made.
Make it clear you are just suggesting some pleasurable love play. You can both see where fancy takes you later.
30. Accept there are highs and lows.
No-one can live their life on a high of ecstasy.
You actually need quieter periods of calm. It is the same in your sex life. You couldn’t appreciate the times when it is pure joy if they didn’t occur against a background of a basically more earthbound sex life.
Be realistic and you are far less likely to end up disappointed.
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