At least once in a while it just feels good to get certain things off your chest. Even it not advocated as a therapeutic technique or as a way to relax, we have to admit that, on occasion, we do it too. For whatever reason, when you’re frustrated, it sometimes feels good to share that frustration
relationship advice for women
with someone you love. And even if it doesn’t feel good, sometimes you just can’t seem to help it.
There’s an enormous difference, however, between an occasional venting session where you’re letting off steam versus making venting an integral part of your regular communication. We’ve observed that in relationships where one person is a regular “venter,” the other person often reports feeling like a punching bag!
One of the problems with venting is that there’s an endless supply of material to vent over. In other words, there will always be things to be upset about if your focus is in that direction. Therefore, if you associate “feeling better” with letting off steam while talking to your partner, it’s addictive and easy for it to become a habit. Naturally, your assumption would be that more is better.
The participant on the listening end of a venting session might begin, especially over time, to feel like a punching bag.
Imagine, for a moment, that you’re a little tired at the end of the day. You’re feeling relatively peaceful and as if life is treating you well. As you pick up a book and prepare to read for a few minutes before dinner, your partner enters the room and begins to complain about his day.
You love your partner and certainly want to be supportive. You put down your book and begin to listen. During the next ten minutes your mood undergoes an enormous shift. You’ve been told of many horrible things, reminded of the ills of the world and of how unfair and hard life can be. His arguments are so convincing you’te starting to believe it yourself.
Ouch, he starts again. He goes on to tell you some negative gossip and several examples of greed. At this moment, it seems that your partner, bless his heart, hates his life. He’s told you of the twelve people who have wronged him and the four others he’s mad at.
Even though some venting is probably inevitable, there is a bit of selfishness involved as well. In other words, when we vent, someone else may be paying the price. So perhaps the best thing to do is simply be aware of how much venting is okay and how much is too much.
Keep your venting in small doses to keep your partner from feeling like a punching bag. Useful relationship advice for women in making a successful marriage or happy relationship.
Related posts:
