Tips of save your relationship – REMEMBER THAT YOUR PARTNER CAN’T READ YOUR MIND
Very often seems to us that one of the worst mistakes many of us make in our relationships is that, without even knowing it, we assume, at times that our partner can read our mind. Or, if we don’t assume they can do so, we very often expect them to. I was talking to a friend when he started to complain of his wife’s inability to stay organized. He seemed tormented by the issue and, in fact, he had brought this subject to my attention on several previous occasions. Finally, I asked him, “Does Carol know how much this bugs you?” It turned out that she had no idea that it concerned him in the least !
There are several good reasons why it’s important to recognize this problem, and to nip it in the bud. First, and most obviously, it creates a great deal of grief and inner turmoil for yourself. You carry around a ton of frustration that has little, if anything, to do with you. You’re mad, bothered, or irritated about something—and you’re the only one who knows about it. If that isn’t self-induced stress, what is it then?
Second, it’s not really fair to your partner. Here you are steaming mad about something, and you don’t even give your partner the courtesy of telling her what it is that’s bugging you. You’re probably coming across as mad or irritated, but she doesn’t even know what it’s about. In cases like these, you’re demanding that she read your mind! What chance does she have? How can she explain herself, much less do anything about it?
What we’ve learned is that, when something is bothering you, it’s usually best to let your partner know about it. Pick a time when neither of you is in a defensive mood. Then bring up the issue gently and respectfully and see what happens.
It seems logical that, in most cases, your chances of a favorable outcome are far better than if you rely on your partner reading your mind. If at all possible, avoid the self-destructive thought, “He (or she) should know what I want or need.” You’ll make it easier on yourself and on your relationship if you go ahead and let them know.
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