Love relationship advice a love guide to save your marriage and spice up your love life
41. Make each other over.We are often very timid in our ideas of how attractive we could or dare to look. Save up to give yourselves a joint treat and spend a day at the shops choosing outfits for each other that you think make the other look their most attractive.
love relationship advice
Don’t go for extreme clothes that they will never be able to wear in public.
Rather choose the sort of outfit you would be proud for them to wear to meet your friends. It can be a terrific confidence booster – and you get to see each other at your most attractive, hopefully for a good while to come.
42. Don’t take each other for granted.
So often men and women pull out all the stops when they learn their partner has been unfaithful to them.
It’s then they make all the extra efforts to look attractive, suddenly realise what they had been taking for granted, follow all the suggestions in a guide like this.
Don’t wait till disaster strikes your relationship – if it hasn’t already. Imagine how it would feel and take all those enjoyable precautions now.
43. Write love letters.
Remember how wonderful it was to receive a love letter, even just a little note left under the pillow? Restart the habit.
The occasional card or brief note will be treasured and more than repaid in love.
If it never seems to occur to your partner to make such a gesture, don’t simply seethe inwardly. Tell them that’s what you’d like – and set them a good example.
44. Focus on sensation.
Just as we experience pain more intensely if we think about it and picture the hurt, so it is with pleasure.
You can’t expect to experience intense physical delight if you aren’t totally focussed on what you’re doing.
Think about the physical sensations, skin against skin, every touch, caress and pressure.
Remember the most important organ of sexual pleasure is said to be the brain, so use it to concentrate when you make love.
45. List the goodies.
If you hit a patch when it all seems like too much trouble, or you are tempted to stray, list the good things about your relationship that make it worth preserving. If they outweigh the bad, throw your energy into making it work.
Think what it is that you’re missing and looking for elsewhere.
It often comes down to a break from routine, more fun and appreciation. All this can usually be had at home if you make a few changes – and without throwing all those goodies away.
46. Need quick thrills?
Some of us are adrenaline addicts and feel a real need of some adventure and excitement regularly in our lives.
If you get your kicks by playing around with relationships, however, you inevitably cause hurt and even wrecked lives – usually including a few children among the casualties.
You can calm yourself down to some extent by learning relaxation techniques and working out what’s really driving you, but some people will always find life flat without a feeling of danger.
If that’s you, then look for ways to supply that thrill other than through playing around with people’s feelings.
Sports can be the answer – running, diving, riding can supply a feeling of physical excitement – but playing anything competitively can add a thrill to life without breaking hearts.
47. Love hand in hand.
If your loving seems to be losing sensation for you and you find it harder to become aroused, try placing your hand over your partner’s hand as they caress you. This way of physically focussing on your love-making can make it come doubly alive.
48. Turn off the TV.
Television is a terrific source of entertainment but it tends to limit the attention we pay each other and the efforts we make to develop our relationships to the full.
Try a week without television – on holiday or at home. Playing games and talking more together often leads to our loving more together.
49. Don’t feel defeated.
If you find some of the ideas here would require you to make too drastic changes, don’t throw up your hands and think none of this is for you.
Go through the list and mark those you feel you could manage now, even if it’s only to suggest a day out and eat more healthily. Promise yourself you will add one more each week.
That still means that you could have transformed your relationship inside a year and become a far more exciting and physically satisfied – and satisfying – partner.
If the block is that you or your partner is suffering from a sexual problem that stops either of you enjoying your love life to the full, arrange to see a Relate sex therapist, or try the self-help sex therapy explained in my free leaflets listed below.
50. THIS IS IT.
It’s a good spur to work on your relationship, to ensure it’s as good as can be, to remind yourself every so often that what matters is what’s happening now.
Life isn’t a rehearsal. We can never know whether we’ll even have a future let alone what it will hold.
The past is beyond our control. What we can influence is the present. Let’s live it to the full.
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