Facing Reality in Christian Marriage
Many couples are surprised by marriage because they entered that
that relationship woefully unprepared.
Their christian marriage enrichment sense of reality was distorted by fantasy and wishful thinking.
Some are surprised because they married in spite of unresolved past issues, hoping their partner would be their savior. Did you marry the
person you thought you married?
I heard the story of a man who, after an intense and disappointing disagreement with his wife, felt quite frustrated and angry with her. After some time he came in and declared, “Janice, you’re not the woman I married!” She turned and looked at him, and with a faint smile said, “I never was the woman you thought you married.”
We tend to marry an illusion, a fantasy, an idealization projected onto a frail human being. Perhaps we marry a phantom or a dream, but when we reach out to touch that phantom, there’s no substance. The real issue is not whether you married the right person; it’s more an issue of your being the right person for your spouse.
Zig Ziglar said it well:
If you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. On the other hand, if you marry the right person and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person.
It is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person. In short, whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you.
One of the initial adjustments in christian marriage relationships is facing the realities of marriage. The good news is that your conflicts subside when this happens. Besides, facing reality isn’t all that bad.
People can let go of fantasy if they realize that “reality” is not a code word for “trouble.” Among other things, reality means accepting the fun of planning a future with another person you respect and love. It is the joy of living with your best friend and the security of catching a whopping cold and having a spouse on hand to make chicken soup without complaining. Reality is having a disagreement and coming to grips with the notion that you and your spouse may never see eye-to-eye on a number of issues.
They discover this is not the case, it seems as though something terrible has occurred. But not really. Mourning this loss carries with it the acceptance of differences in character, personality, communication style, values and sexual desire. Eventually, acceptance and adjustment lessen conflict. I would rather see some conflict occur so resolution happens instead of couples’ burying issues until they again rise out of control, infused with new power and pain.
The storms in your christian marriage problems have various starting points. They may be present because of your past experience with your parents or because you entered marriage believing in too many myths. The storms may be there because of not knowing how to grow and develop new ways of responding at the present time. No matter what the reasons, you can overcome the hindrances.
What myths did you believe about christian marriage? Some of the more common myths are:
I thought my spouse would be an extension of my own emotional and physical needs. And when my needs weren’t met right away and in the way I wanted, I felt ripped off! I got angry! How dare that person not meet my needs!
I expected my marriage to be problem free. After all, good Christian marriages just don’t have problems or conflict. Nobody told me that good marriages become good marriages through constructive conflict.
I expected my spouse to know what I wanted or needed. Why spend a lot of time talking about what you want? Once you’re married, your spouse ought to know.
Covenant Marriage: Building Communication & Intimacy
- ISBN13: 9780805425765
- Condition: NEW
- Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
The Covenant Marriage program encourages Christians to exercise the promises and expectations of God’s covenant love in marriage. Practicing Covenant Marriage means couples must offer each other steadfast loyalty, forgiveness, empathy, and commitment to resolving conflict so as to encourage each other in spiritual growth.
In this new book, Dr. Chapman shows how communication and intimacy are two of the most important aspects in developing a successful Covenant Marriage. At the heart of it
Rating: 
(out of 13 reviews)
List Price: $ 19.99
Price: $ 10.00
Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
- ISBN13: 9780842360241
- Condition: NEW
- Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
With his characteristic warmth and humor, Dr. Kevin Leman offers a practical guide to sex according to God’s plan. This frank and practical book is a perfect resource for married and engaged couples. Now in softcover.
Rating: (out of 109 reviews)
List Price: $ 14.99
Price: $ 8.58
Sacred Marriage
- ISBN13: 9780310242826
- Condition: USED – VERY GOOD
- Notes:
Starting with the discovery that the goal of marriage goes beyond personal happiness, writer and speaker Gary Thomas invites readers to see how God can use marriage as a discipline and a motivation to love him more and reflect more of the character of his Son.
Rating: (out of 98 reviews)
List Price: $ 14.99
Price: $ 7.73
A Lasting Promise: A Christian Guide to Fighting for Your Marriage
- ISBN13: 9780787939830
- Condition: NEW
- Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
Build a Marriage of Lasting Love Finally a practical, easy-to-read book that deals with real marital issues from a Christian perspective! Soundly based on both biblical principles and marital research, A Lasting Promise is a must read for any couple who wants to upgrade their marriage and make it a promise for life!
–David and Claudia Arp, authors of The Second Half of Marriage This essential resource offers Christian couples, a well-researched and proven method for dealing with conflict
Rating: 
(out of 14 reviews)
List Price: $ 17.00
Price: $ 7.32
The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted
Marriage is God’s answer for our deepest human need—companionship. And that, according to counselor and relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman, is to have deep and lasting union with another, and to truly become one. But how can you build that oneness from the beginning?
With the expert wisdom and practical common sense that have made him a popular speaker worldwide, Dr. Chapman helps couples with such questions as: Why won’t my spouse change? What does it really mean to love someo
Rating: (out of 15 reviews)
List Price: $ 14.99
Price: $ 5.84
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Save Your Christian Marriage.
Did you know that the rate of divorce among Christians is actually HIGHER than the general population? I can’t begin to tell you how surprised I was to hear this! We are a people called to be faithful, to be forgiving, to be loving. . . and we end marriages more often than the general public. That trend must stop! Let’s agree to change this fact, you and I working together to renew your marriage.
Divorce and broken marriages is not God’s plan. God’s plan was for marriage to be a lifetime. As I’m sure you have heard often, in Genesis 2:24, God tells us that “for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife. And the two people will become one body.” When we become one body, it is a forever thing.
Save Your Christian Marriage.
Do Not Disturb – An Uncompromising Guide To Christian Sex And Intimacy.
Christian husband and wife (or husband and wife to be) -Do you know what the Bible has to say about
Christian sex and intimacy in marriage?
You may be surprised and encouraged when you choose to take a look.
Consider these wonderful truths, which you can claim on behalf of your own marriage and relationship.
- God does not condemn sexual intimacy as dirty or wrong – He celebrates it as something wonderful. It is His marriage gift to man and wife.
- Great sex and sensitive, satisfying love-making in marriage is encouraged throughout Scripture.
- The Bible does not cheapen sex to a mere physical act, but recognises that it involves the whole being, and reveals the spiritual delights awaiting married couples as well as the joyful and pleasurable physical experience of love making.
Do Not Disturb – An Uncompromising Guide To Christian Sex And Intimacy.
Save Our Christian Marriage.
You have known in your heart that almost EVERYTHING taught about how to have a happy Christian marriage is basically WRONG! You have felt it. You have known it.
- You have tried the “wife submit and follow the husband’s leadership” plan.
- You have tried the “wife respect the husband” plan.
- You have tried the “Husband is the ‘Servant Leader’” plan.
- You KNOW these things do not work. They have been tried for fifty years and we, the church, have a 50% divorce rate – or MORE!
